It's been almost 2 years since I posted...It wasn't intentional...I meant to keep a weekly chronicle but 3 little ones and 4 big ones and so many visits with social workers and court dates...and life...and some things had to give...blogging was one of them. To be perfectly honest - there was a part of my heart that couldn't do it...I couldn't write about my precious little ones and share it publicly, knowing that there may come a day that they would no longer live in our home. For 22 months I have pressed hard into Jesus...learning to trust...learning to treasure each moment...to live in the moment...I tried not to hold my breath, but I think I did. Because on December 19 when we stood before the judge and he pronounced our last name theirs, I sobbed...after the pictures were taken and the papers were signed, I gasped for breath on my Mom's shoulder. I felt that rush of wind fill my heart like when you have been swimming for so long and you push to the surface to come up for air...and that ache is quenched as oxygen pours in.
Yes, I feel that I have come up for air...I'm dizzy with the excitement that they can call me "Mama" forever. I have learned to press into Jesus in much deeper, more dependent ways...and I am also learning to celebrate each moment and this freshness...this hope...this excitement flushes through me as I revel in the thought of the permanency of the adoption and the start of this new season of life. I am so grateful for what He has done...I am humbled..I am awed..and I am breathing in deeply.