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Friday, January 6, 2012

Three Whispered Words

This has been a season of wrestling...and struggling...and standing hard against fierce storms...and waging war in the Heavenlies on behalf of all my precious ones...big and little.  During the last two years He taught me about words such as Sovereignty (His alone) and Courageous Obedience (doing what He says and leaving the results to Him), Submissive Trust (remaining faithful and joyful when things are falling apart) and Complete Dependence Through Total Exhaustion (pretty much self explanatory).  Those lessons I have not mastered in any way, but as I reflect over the Bible studies he has led me through, and the devotions, and the journals,and the songs and the books He brought my way, I see His hand teaching me these things again and again.  I am thankful for His Grace that sustains in the midst of blistering barrages.  I am grateful for his Hand that supplies strength for the long haul.  I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

A new year brings thoughts of resolutions,lists, priorities and focus...but this year God is impressing on my heart just a few words. It 's not that I don't have many things I need to resolve to improve, change and rectify. That list is unfortunately quite lengthy. But as I've prayed about this new year...and this new season in our life with the adoptions finalized, I've heard my King whisper three words in my soul...Plant....Listen...Nurture. So those are my guiding words this year. I'm on the lookout for Him showing me ways to do those BE those things...a Planter... A Listener...A Nurturer...and now I must go because there are several kiddos that need to be listened to right now.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Coming up for air...

It's been almost 2 years since I posted...It wasn't intentional...I meant to keep a weekly chronicle but 3 little ones and 4 big ones and so many visits with social workers and court dates...and life...and some things had to give...blogging was one of them. To be perfectly honest - there was a part of my heart that couldn't do it...I couldn't write about my precious little ones and share it publicly, knowing that there may come a day that they would no longer live in our home.  For 22 months I have pressed hard into Jesus...learning to trust...learning to treasure each live in the moment...I tried not to hold my breath, but I think I did. Because on December 19 when we stood before the judge and he pronounced our last name theirs, I sobbed...after the pictures were taken and the papers were signed, I gasped for breath on my Mom's shoulder.  I felt that rush of wind fill my heart like when you have been swimming for so long and you push to the surface to come up for air...and that ache is quenched as oxygen pours in. 

Yes, I feel that I have come up for air...I'm dizzy with the excitement that they can call me "Mama" forever. I have learned to press into Jesus in much deeper, more dependent ways...and I am also learning to celebrate each moment and this freshness...this hope...this excitement flushes through me as I revel in the thought of the permanency of the adoption and the start of this new season of life.  I am so grateful for what He has done...I am humbled..I am awed..and I am breathing in deeply.