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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Coming up for air...

It's been almost 2 years since I posted...It wasn't intentional...I meant to keep a weekly chronicle but 3 little ones and 4 big ones and so many visits with social workers and court dates...and life...and some things had to give...blogging was one of them. To be perfectly honest - there was a part of my heart that couldn't do it...I couldn't write about my precious little ones and share it publicly, knowing that there may come a day that they would no longer live in our home.  For 22 months I have pressed hard into Jesus...learning to trust...learning to treasure each live in the moment...I tried not to hold my breath, but I think I did. Because on December 19 when we stood before the judge and he pronounced our last name theirs, I sobbed...after the pictures were taken and the papers were signed, I gasped for breath on my Mom's shoulder.  I felt that rush of wind fill my heart like when you have been swimming for so long and you push to the surface to come up for air...and that ache is quenched as oxygen pours in. 

Yes, I feel that I have come up for air...I'm dizzy with the excitement that they can call me "Mama" forever. I have learned to press into Jesus in much deeper, more dependent ways...and I am also learning to celebrate each moment and this freshness...this hope...this excitement flushes through me as I revel in the thought of the permanency of the adoption and the start of this new season of life.  I am so grateful for what He has done...I am humbled..I am awed..and I am breathing in deeply.


Shannon H said...

Jennifer, Yeah! Great read... I wondered how it was for you, and I too was holding my breath for you. Living in the moment has been my theme as well - this must have been an incredibly long year and a half. Praise God for your faithfulness and for your being obedient to trust Him. Thank you Lord for the new family!! Forever!! Love Shannon

pcmom said...

Oh Jennifer, I am so happy for you and your family. What a wonderful thing to have your parents there to help you celebrate. Praying for you all.
Loved the picture you sent us for CHRISTmas! Happy New Year
Love and miss you much!

alicia said...

I so understand all that you describe. Adopting our son from foster care two months ago feels unreal. But each week, no social worker visits and the knowledge that he really is ours and not the states, just is an amazing feeling. thank you for sharing! So glad we met and hoping to spend time with you sometime in the future!

laskins said...

Didn't know you were blogging again. Sending love, hugs, and a tear for your happiness to my dear friend who is one of the most loving giving people I know. Lorie