Coming up for air...

It's been almost 2 years since I posted...It wasn't intentional...I meant to keep a weekly chronicle but 3 little ones and 4 big ones and so many visits with social workers and court dates...and life...and some things had to give...blogging was one of them. To be perfectly honest - there was a part of my heart that couldn't do it...I couldn't write about my precious little ones and share it publicly, knowing that there may come a day that they would no longer live in our home.  For 22 months I have pressed hard into Jesus...learning to trust...learning to treasure each moment...to live in the moment...I tried not to hold my breath, but I think I did. Because on December 19 when we stood before the judge and he pronounced our last name theirs, I sobbed...after the pictures were taken and the papers were signed, I gasped for breath on my Mom's shoulder.  I felt that rush of wind fill my heart like when you have been swimming for so long and you push to the surface to come up for air...and that ache is quenched as oxygen pours in. 

Yes, I feel that I have come up for air...I'm dizzy with the excitement that they can call me "Mama" forever. I have learned to press into Jesus in much deeper, more dependent ways...and I am also learning to celebrate each moment and this freshness...this hope...this excitement flushes through me as I revel in the thought of the permanency of the adoption and the start of this new season of life.  I am so grateful for what He has done...I am humbled..I am awed..and I am breathing in deeply.

E and A

Though many of you already know by now...I'll announce officially that we have two new members of our family.  E and A came home March 12, when they were just 2 weeks old.  They are a month old now, and we, of course, have fallen in love with them.  I haven't blogged about them because #1...newborn twins don't leave much time for bloggin'! and #2 my heart is so full of emotions that I didn't, and still don't, know how to capture with mere words.  So for now, I'm sticking with the facts...E and A are precious beyond belief...a little boy and a little girl...they keep us up at all hours of the night, and they bring us such amazing joy.  The older 4 children have been troopers...not once have I heard a complaint.  They are protective of E and A, and watch over them like hawks.  We do not know how long E and A will be in our home. But while they are here we are loving them as if they will be here forever.  And I am learning to trust Jesus in  new and painful ways. Since they have been with us, I have not made it through a worship service without shedding tears.   I would move heaven and earth on their behalf if I could, and yet my hands are tied...I can do nothing but wait for the courts to decide. My Heavenly Father knows the future, He knows what is best for our babies, and that has to be enough for me. So we wait, and we love them, and we treasure each moment...and I learn again each day to trust our King, for they are His more than they ever will be mine, no matter what the court decides.